Fiction Fragment Friday
I started this story trying to come up with a boring way for the world to end. Instead this story morphed into something else entirely. I kept the original name, but once the dialog started it just developed a life of it’s own.
Robots, AI, nuclear war, asteroid impact, zombies, even natural disasters; there are so many more interesting ways I had imagined the world coming to an end. Misfiled paperwork did not even make my list. According to the very confused alien intern who crashed his spaceship in the ten acres of wilderness I own behind my house, that is exactly what is happening.
I stood there dumbfounded staring at the three-foot orange furred, silver suit clad creature trying to explain the mix-up. It would have been adorable if its high-pitched voice wasn’t so grating. “Woah there, let’s take this down a notch. Let me see if I understand you correctly. You intern for Gorbulax some politician in the galactic senate.:
“Ugh, no. I intern for Gorbax a level seven bureaucrat with the Supreme Galactic Union.” He waved his arms wildly as he spoke and the two little antenna on his head twitched in agitation.
“Yeah, that’s what I said. Anyway, a long time ago someone misfiled Earth and Venus so your people thought Earth was a hostile environment and Venus had developed life.”
“Yes, well no, but that is close enough. Our dimensional fold drives produce waste so toxic that we don’t trust storing it on any planet that could hold life or even be terraformed. Earth showed up on a database search as the perfect match for storing this waste since it is so hopelessly toxic.”
“But it’s not.”
“Well, no I can see that by the fact that I’m standing here without a helmet and I’m not dead yet. Your military certainly tried though.”
“I would have thought a couple puny Earth jet fighters wouldn’t be able to do anything to a fancy spaceship like that.” I pointed over his shoulder to the metal monstrosity that destroyed my campsite. Thankfully I had run back to the house to grab my lighter just before he crashed. He had gotten the fires put out and the smoke dispersed fairly quickly, but I couldn’t help but suspect the military was on its way. That did not make me the least bit happy. I didn’t feel like being disappeared by some man in black.
“Well, it wouldn’t have if I was on a military ship. That’s my own personal transport. No weapons, shields, or armor. Like one of your automobiles.”
“If our planet was supposed to be a toxic waste in your system, how do you know about cars? Why are you speaking English instead of some alien mumbo jumbo?”
I’ve had dogs all my life and let me tell you they can give you some adorable expressions. Up to that point though I had never seen anything quite so adorable as this little alien giving me his offended face. “I assure you I am most certainly not speaking English. All civilized societies equip their dignitaries with translators that create mental connections between living beings and broadcast the concepts adapting them to the appropriate dialect. As for your automobiles, well, I was observing your planet for twenty minutes before I was so rudely hit by one of your missiles. I tried to run, but my ship needs time for the repair bots to make it flyable again.”
“Probably not going to get that time. I’m sure the government will be here any minute. They’ll chop you up for science and lock me up for knowin about it.”
“Well, if they do that then your planet becomes the waste dump it is scheduled to be. The first shipment will arrive in just under a week of your time.”
“Won’t they see that this isn’t a dead planet like you did?”
“They would. If they were living beings. The waste is so dangerous we only send it in ships piloted by robot crews. They aren’t allowed to think, just follow orders. That’s why I was sent ahead. To facilitate proper delivery and ensure there were no unexpected complications.”
I laughed. “So you got put on robot babysitting duty?”
“That is…well I suppose it actually is not an inaccurate way of putting it. If I can’t get into space to meet them though I’ll die from the toxic dumping before your government people can dissect me.”
“So, if I want my planet to not be destroyed, I need to make sure the government doesn’t get you or your ship. Is that about the size of it?”
“That is correct.” He had a smug little smile on his face that rubbed me the wrong way.
“And why exactly should I believe a word you have to say?”
“Can you risk not?” Well, the thing had a pretty good point with that. Besides, even if it was lying, I didn’t exactly want the government getting access to his technology. That wouldn’t be good for anyone.
I looked at his ship and tried to measure it in my head. It was much smaller than I thought a spaceship should be. I would have expected some giant flying saucer not something that looked more like a Winnebago with wings. I suppose it was banged up bad so it might not always be quite so blocky. Still, it looked like it could only fit a couple people and with how small the door was I would have been a tight squeeze. The small size though might very well have been the saving grace.
“I tell you what. I can probably tow that thing on my flatbed back up to the house. I got a race car transport truck up there that I bet this thing can fit into. We might need to open the side and hang a tarp over it. The sooner we get on the road the better. How long is it gonna take those robots of yours to finish repairs?” The story of how I got that truck is quite a doozy, but I suppose you aren’t interested in that one.
He looked down at a hologram projecting from a watch-like band on his arm. “Looks like if they focus on just what I need to leave orbit they can be done in twelve hours.”
“Well, I suppose we best get started then and I’ll have to see what I can do to buy us some extra time.” So that’s exactly what I did. I hauled his ship up on my truck and off we went.
Twenty-four hours, a convoy and one jackknifed truck full of kitty litter and here I am sitting in one of your interrogation rooms. The little guy got away though. So, the way I see it I just saved the world and instead of disappearing me you government folks should be giving me a medal of some kind. Least you could do is let me not pay taxes for a few years. Though I suppose I could be content with you accepting my silence and letting me head home. If you don’t let me out of here in the next half hour or so my little space buddy up there is gonna start broadcasting things you don’t want broadcasted. Now I might be bluffing, but are you willing to take that chance?
Leave a Reply