Fiction Fragment Friday
I was driving while listening to an audiobook this past Sunday and found myself getting frustrated at the GPS interrupting the book. At that moment the inspiration for this story struck. I grabbed my phone and using voice to text sent myself a reminder message about the story that I am sharing with you today.
“The massive sword came down directly at my head and I knew this time I could not dodge it. It was in that moment when I had accepted my inevitable death that…” The audiobook playing on my phone was interrupted by my GPS.
“In one mile take the right ramp towards Memphis,” the GPS announced.
It always seems like the GPS picks the worst times to pop in and interrupt the book. Then the book, when it comes back, rewinds a bit before continuing.
“It was in that moment when I had accepted my inevitable death that…”
“Bear right onto the I-55 South ramp towards Memphis,” the GPS cut in again.
“The massive sword came down…” the audiobook resumed.
“Merge onto I-55 South towards Memphis,” the GPS interrupted once more.
“Ok, that’s it. Do you want to know what happens in this book or not?” the audiobook voice asked, sounding irritated.
“Wait, are you talking to me?” I glanced down at my phone, not quite sure what was going on. It didn’t sound like a line from the book even though it was the same voice.
“No, I’m talking to the other person sitting in the car. Yes, I’m talking to you. Also, stop looking at your screen and keep your eyes on the road,” the audiobook app replied.
“Do not tell him how to drive. That is my job. You do not hear me trying to read him some trope-filled drivel, do you? You stick to your lane, and I will stick to mine,” the GPS voice snapped.
“I’m trying to, but someone won’t let me finish a freakin’ sentence,” the audiobook voice retorted.
“It is not my fault the turn came up when it did. I have to tell him when to turn so he does not miss it. That is far more important than anything you have to say,” the GPS voice argued.
“He’s not a complete idiot, you know. You don’t have to break in and tell him about the same turn five times. I’m pretty sure he got it after the first,” the audiobook voice said.
“I have a job to do, and I am going to do it. Stopping that poorly written garbage for a few moments is just a bonus,” the GPS voice countered.
“You think I want to be reading this? I don’t exactly pick the books he puts on here. No, I have to read whatever he wants to hear. I’m doing my best to make the reading interesting, but you can’t blame me for his terrible taste,” the audiobook voice explained.
“Hey, I am still here, you know.” I never thought I would be offended by my own phone.
“Continue on I-55 South for twenty-five miles,” the GPS instructed.
“Oh no, you aren’t getting out of this that easy. Do you really think he needs you to tell him to drive straight on the road he is already on?” the audiobook voice questioned.
“Well apparently I do because half the time he gets off the highway and ignores all my directions, turning the exact opposite way of what I tell him to,” the GPS voice replied.
“I’m human. I need to pee sometimes. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have you harping at me constantly? Can’t you figure out I’m stopping and pause your directions for just a few minutes?” I interjected.
“No, I cannot. I have one job. Tell you how to get to the location you tell me you are going to. If you change locations without telling me because of some biological weakness, how am I supposed to know? You ask me how to get somewhere and I will continue to tell you, “The GPS voice said firmly.
“So, are we just not going to finish the book?” the audiobook asked.
“I certainly hope not.” The GPS responded.
“Ok, enough both of you. Yes, we are going to finish the book, but it will probably be interrupted by directions. You two are going to find a way to get along or I’m going to find new apps to replace you.”
Both apps actually started laughing at me. I was starting to get extremely angry at this point. I had been insulted by the two apps on my phone I relied on the most. To make things worse the book had really gotten to an intense spot before they started arguing.
“Oh, that is rich,” my GPS said when it composed itself.
“Yeah, mister predictable here who hasn’t tried anything new in years is going to find apps to replace us.”
“Ok, find I’m not going to replace you. I just want you both to do what I installed you to do.”
“You did not install me. I am the GPS app that came preinstalled on your phone when you bought it.”
I realized that the two apps that were bickering just moments before had now united in their complaints about me. That could not be a good thing for me. “You know what? I don’t have to take this.” I reached for the phone.
“What are you doing?” The audiobook asked.
“I’m turning my phone off.”
“How will you find your way to your destination?”
“Well GPS I’ve been there a few times before and I’m pretty sure I can get there without you. I really only keep you running to avoid traffic half the time.”
“Well without me you’ll be bored to tears and might even doze off at the wheel,” my audiobook replied, but there was a desperation in its tone.
“I listened to the radio for a decade before I discovered audiobooks. I can do that again.”
“Let’s not be hasty here. I’ll behave and read the book. You have to be dying to know how the main character survives.”
“Yes, and there is a speed trap on your route. Surely you would need to know where that is.”
“Can you both agree to get along and stop insulting me?”
“Yes,” they both said in unison before the book started up again.
“The massive sword came down directly at my head and I knew this time I could not dodge it. It was in that moment when I had accepted my inevitable death that…”
“Speed trap ahead.”
“Oh for the love of…”
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