Fiction Fragment Friday

Another story inspired by a dream for this week. I took the concept of a hidden bunker that is actually in another dimension from a dream. I then decided I wanted to focus on a mad scientist style character. Thus was born, “Even An Evil Genius Procrastinates.”

     They say that I’m paranoid for having a hidden bunker under my house.  Well, I say who are these people and how did they find out about my bunker?  Are they spying on me.  I swear I will hunt them down and they will feel the crushing weight of my wrath.  Really people should mind their own business and worry more about their own pitiful lives than they do about my activities.  Until the inevitable day that I achieve world domination of course and then my every word will be law. 

     Besides being nobody’s business except my own, it is also factually inaccurate to say that I have a bunker under my base.  I can understand how such feeble minds would believe that to be the case though.  The stairs leading to my bunker form by lowering from the floor of my living room.  This would seem to indicate that the bunker is indeed under my house.  However as with myself all is not what it seems.

     My bunker actually exists in a pocket dimension of my own creation.  How can a bunker truly be secure when you never really know what it could be hit with?  By displacing it from your reality of course.  So when I designed my bunker the first thing I had to do was punch a hole in reality to create a pocket of reality that only I could access.  That is the only way to truly have a secure bunker.  Plus, it gives me the added benefit of being able to move the entrance anywhere I want to. 

     The stairwell is actually a portal.  With each stair you are stepping through a void towards the door that is a stable entrance to my pocket dimension.  I actually have four different stairs that connect to my bunker hidden around the world.  Besides just being a backup in case something happens to my house it is a really fast way to travel.  Only someone of my genius could have come up with such locations.

     The first portal is obviously in my living room.  It makes it super easy to get to my base.  Barely an inconvenience to roll back the large rug in front of my couch, say the activation code to raise the keyboard, type in my 37-character password, and walk down the stairs.  It is the perfect location for a portal.

     My second portal is in Akihabara.  Obviously, that is to have a location on the opposite side of the world and not to just have easy access to a store that sell merchandise from all my favorite animes.  Being in the alley behind my favorite ramen shop is just an added bonus.  Plus, it is just good business to be near the maid cafe that has the loyalty punch card.  A true genius never does anything for only one reason.

     My third portal of course needed to be somewhere where I could blend into a crowd.  Somewhere that deals with large quantities of physical bills so I can launder all the money I take from bank heists.  Where better than the happiest place on earth?  A large theme park is the perfect place for a portal.  If I’m going to build a portal in a theme park why wouldn’t I put it next to my favorite ride?  It makes it easy to travel through first thing in the morning after the gates open, but before anyone else could get in line.  Of course, when I do eventually rule the world as I am destined to I will just ride whenever I want without needing to wake up so early in the morning. 

     My final portal might very well be my most ingenious.  Who would ever suspect a future ruler of the world to have a hidden entrance to his bunker in the office of a television network headquarters?  It gives the added benefit of ensuring that quality television continues to be made because I can pop in and threated those idiotic television executives any time I want.  Have you ever wondered why Space Patrol Zeta is still on the air despite having truly abysmal ratings?  Well, you are welcome.  We all know the show just doesn’t have an audience because the mindless rabble are too dimwitted to grasp the advanced plot of such a masterpiece.  I also had to intervene when they planted to break of Kuric and Jeva because we all know that they are the OTP of that show and Jomo is pathetic pretty boy who doesn’t deserve her. 

                Oh yes, the world will be so much better when I have taken over.  I won’t have to take such hands-on approaches.  For now, though I have ramen to eat while I watch my favorite show.  After this episode I will totally make my move.  Oh wait, no it will be time for the evening parade at my favorite theme park then.  I should also really get a good night sleep before I take over the world so after is out.  Ok, first thing in the morning after the ride I will take over the world.  Unless I’m hungry then I will eat first.