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Fiction Fragment Friday

Music used to be such a big part of my life. In my teens and into my early twenties I was always listing to music and looking for meaning. I poured over lyrics and tried to apply them to the things going on in my own head. I had songs that were tied to people or events. Seeing a band live was more than just entertainment. I can point to so many life defining events that happened because of concerts during those few years.

These days I don’t listen to music. I found that while driving I needed something that I couldn’t tune out. Something that would occupy my subconscious mind more and keep it from wondering into dangerous territory for someone with anxiety disorder. That is how I got into podcasts and audiobooks. Even so when I hear a song it can bring me back to moments in my life like nothing else can.

For today’s Fiction Fragment Friday I decided to write something inspired by music. I was going to pick a song that spoke to me when I was younger and use the first line to start the story. Quickly I found that there were so many songs and listening to each brought back memories. The writing exercise then became writing something with the first line of each paragraph being a different song from a different band.

I limited myself to songs that actually meant something to me and had some sort of impact on my life. There were some that really deserved to be on here, but either the first line just didn’t fit or it wouldn’t flow with the developing story. The songs chosen though all have meaning and while it pains me that I couldn’t get one specific song in there I did base the whole exercise on the other song that was one of the more impactful of that time.

The Songs in order:

I’d give up forever to touch you.  That is not a minor sacrifice.  My life has spanned thousands of years simultaneously being among mortals and also apart from them.  Empires have risen and fallen in what to me seems like the blink of an eye.  My thoughts are in centuries not years or mere moments.  In all that time no human has ever been more than a subject to document or a catalyst to aim in the direction history needs it to go.  Why then are you so different?  I know even though I walk invisible to the eye that you can feel me somehow.  You occasionally look straight at me from a distance, or stop when I whisper your name.   

  You are so close no matter how far.  I can feel you like a an extra sense always knowing exactly where you are and when you are in danger.  A normal person has life threatening events a handful of times during their existence.  You have almost been killed twelve times in the last six months and always I was there.  Acting in secret without you even knowing you were in danger.  It doesn’t matter what I am doing when I feel you need me I come.  Nothing else matters.  Why would a simple human hold so much sway when I have watched billions born and die without ever caring.  I feel that something else is out there working against me. 

  How long?  How long will I slide?  I have a duty to be impartial, but moments with you mean centuries to me.  The time line depends on me to ensure certain events happen.   This the most crucial decade of all history and I know your survival is not one of those events I am here to ensure.  You were meant to die on the plane you never boarded because of a flat tire.  Letting the air out of your tire was the first time I violated my mission, but it would be far from the last.  Missing keys, thugs knocked unconscious in an alley, and a contagious patient tripping before they could cough on you are all examples of ways I have overstepped for you.  How long can this go on without my mission being a complete failure?  I want to tell you all this, but once you know you can never go back.

  I’ve been sitting here trying to find myself.  Searching for who I was before the first time I saw you and examining who I am becoming.  Which is the real me?  Am I a man dedicated to his mission, but slowly losing his way?  Am I really a caring man who has buried his emotions deep down so they don’t interfere with his mission?  I could never have allowed the horrors of the past to have occurred if I wasn’t impartial.  Knowing and not interfering is part of the job.  It is not like I have never been tempted to step in and stop the worst atrocities man has to offer, but those have always been minor urges that I could suppress.  Everything is different now.  Knowing what is coming and what you will have to go through I don’t know if I can just sit by and watch it.  Which man am I? 

I don’t know where I’m going, but I sure know where I’ve been.  I’ve seen the worst of humanity and let it happen for the future.  I never questioned it.  Maybe my future isn’t the one that should survive though.  If I do this and stop the coming disaster, then the future I come from will no longer exist.  Without my future as time readjusts it will catch up with me.  My changes will survive but from that moment on I won’t.  It is hard to explain the way time works and sometimes it just doesn’t make logical sense.  That is because it is alive in it’s own way and doesn’t like to be changed.  I can’t put this off any longer and still be able to make a difference.  I might be on my own, but I know what it means to be alone against the world.  I said I would give up forever to touch you and I meant it.  When this is done, I will be back.  I will talk to you before time catches up with me.  I don’t expect anything from you. I just want you to know who I am.